Falling In Love

It is a mystery why we fall in love. It is a mystery how it happens. It is a mystery when it comes. It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a mystery why some love fails.

You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons and causes, but you will never do anymore than take the life out of the experience. Just as life itself is more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body, love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share.

And just as life is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways.

Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life - the gift of love will come to you in full flower, and you will take hold of it and celebrate it in all inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we all share.

More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on. When this happens to young people, they too often try to grasp the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is a gift that is freely given and a gift that just as freely, moves away.

When they fall out of love, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on.

They want answers where there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong in them that make the other person no longer love them, or they try to get their lover to change, thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again.

They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life together, their love will grow. They try anything to give meaning to what happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery.

You need to know this about love, and to accept it. You need to treat what it brings you with kindness.

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.

If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love him, feel honoured that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.

If you fall in love with another, and he falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time.

Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life.

Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can.

This is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.

The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead becomes someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.

Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reasons for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you.

But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do.

Love always has been and always will be a mystery. Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life. If you keep your heart open, it will come again.

an excerpt from Kent Nerburn's book, Letters to My Son A Father's Wisdom on Manhood, Life and Love
http://www.scribd.com/doc/20188705/Kent-Nerburn-Book-Excerpts

February 2010

"People are definitely a company’s greatest asset. It doesn't make any difference whether the product is cars or cosmetics. A company is only as good as the people it keeps." (2i2010)

"Manage others the way you would like to be managed." (2ii2010)

"By working hard and reaching your highest potential in the area of you giftedness, you will move yourself ahead of all the people who may be equally talented but not as committed." (2iii2010)

"I don’t want any "yes-men" around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs." (2iv2010)

"The best thing you can do is to find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome. The right person will still think that the sun shines out your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with." (2v2010)

"A good leader makes his men realize they have more ability than they think they have so that they consistently do better work than they thought they could." (2viii2010)

"In all things, be willing to listen to people around you. None of us is really smart enough to go through it alone." (2ix2010)

"Be honest with yourself about what is making you unhappy. If you can't move on now, don't try to convince yourself that you're happy. Accept the situation and know you'll have to deal with it for the near future." (2x2010)

"How often could things be remedied by a word? How often is it left unspoken?" (2xi2010)

"Love is caring for another person’s happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choice you make might be." (2xii2010)

"Love is when one person knows all of your deepest, darkest, most dreadful secret of which no one else in the world knows, and yet in the end, that one person does not think any less of you, even if the rest of the world does." (2xv2010)

"The only way to get what you want — whether you are a man or a woman — is to ask. Put your needs out there and ask for what you want. You may not be perceived as "nice," but it's the only way you have a chance of getting what you need. Not asking gets you nothing." (2xvi2010)

"Delegating work works, provided the one delegating works, too." (2xvii2010)

Great relationship is about two main things:First, is to find out the similarities and second is to respect the differences. (2xviii2010)

"In those instances where two or three individuals of similar skills interview for the same job, its been shown that the individual who is often extended the offer is the one who communicates the best. In fact, there are times that an individual with a lesser skill set will get the job simply because of his or her communication abilities. If you communicate well, you have the competition beat by a mile. The question then is whether or not you're fostering good communication in everything you do." -- Kathy Maixner (2xix2010)

"A half truth is a whole lie." (2xxii2010)

"If you feel there are others below you, you will feel the crush of others above you." (2xxii2010)

"Never make negative comments or spread rumors about anyone. It depreciates their reputation and yours." (2xxiv2010)

"The 8 key words that will move practically anyone to your side of the issue: 'If you can't do it, I'll definitely understand.’" (2xxv2010)

"However much we may distrust men's sincerity, we always believe they speak to us more sincerely than to others." (2xxvi2010)

January 2010

"Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county,to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is." (1vii2010)

"Drink moderately, for drunkenness neither keeps a secret, nor observes a promise." 1xi2010

"In love, it is better to know and be disappointed than to not know and always wonder. " (1xii2010)

"Trials, temptations, disappointments - all these are helps instead of hindrances, if one uses them rightly. They not only test the fiber of character but strengthen it. Every conquering temptation represents a new fund of moral energy." – James Buckham (1xiii2010)

"Do not lose your inward peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset." - Saint Francis De Sales (1xiv2010)

"Good management is the art of making problems so interesting and their solutions so constructive that everyone wants to get to work and deal with them." (1xv2010)

"Deadness occurs in relationships when people are no longer willing to tell each other how they really feel." - Shakti Gawain (1xviii2010)

"Life is too short to stress yourself with people who don't even deserve to be an issue in your life." (1xix2010)

"Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work." - Aristotle (1xx2010)

"Trust your hunches. They're usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level."(1xxi2010)

"True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be." (1xxii2010)

"Do not be afraid to tell the truth. People can take it. There is nothing worse than a cover up." (1xxv2010)

"If your heart and mind got issues, keep that fingers crossed. You need that trust and faith to keep going." (1xxvi2010)

"One's work usually occupies more than half of one's waking life. Choosing work that does not bring happiness will lead to a life that is mostly disappointing." (1xxvii2010)

"There are people so preoccupied with their e-mail messages that they never look up from their screens to see what's happening in the non-digital world." (1xxix2010)

December 2009

"There's a very short distance between what you think you can do and what you don't think you can do. That distance is the size of just one thought." (12/1/09)

"In relationships, thank God when you're hurting or crying. There you are given the chance to measure the importance of the relationship of the person and yourself." (12/2/09)

If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. – Paulo Coelho (12/7/09)


"People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent." (12/9/09)

"The attitude of "Yes I Can" works best when you've got a plan." (12/10/09)

“Your life is a story, what's done is done. Where it goes from here is totally up to you. Write your own ending.” (12/11/09)

"The gauge of how much you truly love someone is not how happy you are with them but on how badly you don’t want to lose them." (12/14/09)

"It's not good to say thank you and not mean it, but it's even worse to mean it and not say it." (12/15/09)

"When men feel that they are not capable of great success, they will always despise the great projects given to them." (12/16/09)

"Most of us can keep a secret. It is the people we tell it to who can’t." (12/17/09)

"There is no right way to do the wrong thing." (12/18/09)

November 2009

"Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude." (11/03/2009)

"Loving involves two phases: the first one is loving the person because of what he/she is; the second is loving the person despite who he/she is not. The first one sparks love. The second one makes it last." (11/04/2009)

"The single best predictor of overall excellence is a company's ability to attract, motivate and retain talented people." (11/05/2009)

"The perfect men and women of our dreams live in our dreams. In this life, we have to settle to whoever comes close – someone not perfect but real." (11/06/2009)

"Housework is something you do that nobody notices until you don't do it." (11/09/2009)

You cannot push anyone up the ladder unless he is willing to climb a little. - Andrew Carnegie (11/10/2009)

"If you are happy, don't bother to ask why, don't even think about what's gonna happen after, just feel it while it last". (11/11/2009)

If I strive to become better than I am, everything around me will improve. - Paulo Coelho (11/12/2009)

"If someone isn't what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own." - The Alchemist (11/13/2009)


In love, no one can harm anyone else; we are each of us responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel. I am convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone. That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it. – Paulo Coelho (11/16/2009)


"A problem is a problem for you when you think it is. An opportunity is an opportunity for you when you see it as such." (11/17/2009)

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." (11/18/2009)

Emotions and feelings that are hidden and repressed end in illness as: gastritis, ulcer, lumbar pains, spinal. With time, the repression of the feelings degenerates to the cancer. Then, we go to a confidante, to share our intimacy, our secret, and our errors. The dialogue, the speech, the word, is a powerful remedy and an excellent therapy. (11/19/2009)

"There are two ways to be fooled: one is to believe what is not; the other is to refuse to believe what is so." (11/25/2009)

Before you my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light & reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire, there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. - Edward Cullen (11/26/2009)

"Sometimes we guard people from the truth to protect them from being hurt, but by doing that we only hurt them more in the long run." (11/27/2009)

“Wash the plate not because it’s dirty nor you’re told to do so, but because you love the person who will use it.” - Mother Theresa- (11/30/2009)

FACT: Always listen to what a drunk person has to say, 'coz drunken words are spoken by sober hearts! (11/30/2009)

October 2009

"A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way." (10/1/2009)

"Sometimes the secret to true happiness is a combination of low expectations and insensitivity." (10/2/2009)

"The basic thing is that everyone wants happiness, no one wants suffering. And happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors. If your own mental attitude is correct, even if you remain in a hostile atmosphere, you feel happy." (10/5/2009)

"To hear complaints with patience, even when complaints are vain, is one of the duties of friendship" (10/6/2009)
"Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed." (10/7/2009)

It is only imperfection that complains of what is imperfect. The more perfect we are, the more gentle and quiet we become towards the defects of others. – Joseph Addison (10/8/2009)

"A half-truth is a whole lie." (10/9/2009)

"Not everything you have stays forever. But there are things you would be glad to fight for, so you can have them longer." (10/13/2009)

"It isn't the experience of today that drives men mad. It is the remorse for something that happened yesterday, and the dread of what tomorrow may bring." (10/14/2009)

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." (10/15/2009)

"Reminder to self: It is always good to have a structured plan even though there is a very high possibility that the plan would be trashed. Plan, but expect the unexpected." (10/16/2009)

"Never let anyone make you feel that you don't deserve what you want. You are worthy of your happiness. What they say doesn't change anything. It doesn't change you, unless you let it." (10/19/2009)

"Men can cheat because there are so many women willing to give themselves to a man who doesn’t belong to them." (10/20/2009)

"You really have to stumble and fall a lot of times for you to appreciate the luscious taste of happiness, it's like a ratio of ten pains to one real smile." (10/21/2009)

Just because you feel like saying something right now this minute, doesn’t mean it should be said. – Steve Harvey (10/22/2009)

"Persistence is the twin sister of excellence. One is a matter of quality; the other, a matter of time." (10/23/2009)

"It’s amazing to note that many complain of their looks… but none of their brains." (10/26/2009)

"Life they say is touch and go. Some people you know may only be there for sometime. Some may go away, but people who love you will always find ways to stay." (10/27/2009)

"True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future." (10/28/2009)


"A tough lesson in life that one has to learn is that not everybody wishes you well." (10/29/2009)
"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." (10/30/2009)

September 2009

"When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." (September 1, 2009)

"Never let the things you want, make you forget the things you already have." (September 2, 2009)

"When we wake up in the morning, we have two simple choices. Go back to sleep and dream, or wake up and chase those dreams. The choice is yours." (September 4, 2009)

"May araw na masaya, mas masaya at pinakamasaya pero walang araw na malungkot, mas masaya nga lng kahapon kaya pakiramdam mo…malungkot ka ngayon." (September 8, 2009)

"If everybody thought before they spoke, then silence would be deafening." (September 9, 2009)

"Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are." (September 11, 2009)

"Guilt is regret for what we've done. Regret is guilt for what we didn’t do." (September 14, 2009)

Our bodies need regular washing because we get dirty everyday. But so do our hearts! Because each day, people hurt us, offend us, forget us, snub us, step on us, reject us. But if we choose to forgive everyone everyday, we cleanse our hearts! We wake up the next morning refreshed and pure and lovely! - Bo Sanchez (September 15, 2009)

"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak." (September 16, 2009)

"The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't, but in the end they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself." (September 17, 2009)

"The trick in life isn't getting what you want, it's wanting it after you get it." (September 18, 2009)

"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was." (September 22, 2009)

"There is no pillow as soft as a clear conscience." (September 23, 2009)

"If someone is too tired to give you a smile, leave one of your own, because no one needs a smile as much as those who have none to give." (September 24, 2009)

"You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future." (September 24, 2009)

"Do more than belong: participate. Do more than care: help. Do more than believe: practice. Do more than be fair: be kind. Do more than forgive: forget. Do more than dream: work." (September 28, 2009)

"Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today." (September 29, 2009)

"Show a little bit of your anger everyday instead of showing a lot of it on one day." (September 30, 2009)